Camille+Simpson

CYCamille, you did a good job with this research. I believe you are ready to work on some more complex research projects. The general outline of academic writing is fairly simple. You have to include an introductory paragraph that includes a thesis statement that is meant to show the reader where the paper is headed. You have a sufficient thesis hear with "I am going to tell you..." The next step of academic writing is a body which simply supports the thesis statement. You have done this hear with a paragraph about the history of boxing and a paragraph about present-day boxing. In the future, we will add a conclusion and more developed introduction You did a nice job with this paper. I am excited to look at your character sketch. Keep up the good work. Research on Boxing

Boxing is a popular sport around the world. I'm going to talk about the history of boxing and boxing today, "aka" modern boxing. The history of boxing dates back farther than you think. The first proof of pugilsim was foundin Egypt. In Egypt, it dates backto year 3,000 b.c. The Greek and Roman Empires started boxing in 4,000 b.c. Boxing was accepted as an Olympic sport in 688 b.c. In the Greek and Roman times, they would have spikes on their gloves and would fight to the death. The first golden gloves tournament wasin 1923.

Boxing today is very different than how it used to be. The number of competitors and participating natons has grown each year, culminating in the 2010 event featuring 300 boxers from over 75 nations. Currently,approximately 3,000 female boxers register with USA boxing each year. Women's boxing is to be shown live on the BBC for the first time. In England alone, the number of registered female boxers has increased by more than a quarter since the announcement that it as showing on the BBC. Women's boxing has also made it to the 2012 Olympics. Boxing is an interesting sport that includes both a rich history and exciting modern-day competiton. You did a really good job with the narrative. "A" work. I continue to be impressed with your abilities as a writer. I added some things that I thought about as I read, but it is really pretty good without edits. I normally would not mention the end-of-the-sentence preposition at this level, but I threw it in there because I though you might start to notice it. You ended sentences with prepositions a few times later in the narrative. That is really minor, and if it stresses you out then you can forget about it. Write and read as much as you can Camille. You are a great person and you have a lot of talent.

A Funeral and A Loving Family It was a cool spring morning. I was in a deep sleep when I heard my phone ring. “Ringgggg, ringgggg, ringgggg”! The sound of my cell phone under my pillow startled me and woke me up. “Hello”, a sleepy Camille on the phone. “Camille, put your mom on the phone” said my depressed sounding grandpa. I did so and my mom and grandpa were talking and from the looks of it, I could tell something was wrong. Great Intro Camille- You switched point of view when you answer the phone. Stay in the first person here. Maybe, "I managed to muster a "hello" through my tired voice that was impossible to hide." That might not be good, but just a thought. Her mouthed formed an O and tears began to fall from her face. “Mom, I asked, what’s wrong? “Nothing, just get ready for school” she commanded. This would end up being the worst day of my life; I just didn’t know it yet. About two hours after the conversation, my sister and I were ready for school. It was my very first day of gifted so I was excited. Great paragraph and good use of suspense. I was scared at first, but it actually ended up being good. Immediately after school I went outside to go home. I thought it was unusual to see my mom standing there. After that, she found me and said she had to talk to me and my teacher. As soon as we went inside, I was hit with a blast of cool air. It was really refreshing. When we went up to the last floor, for some reason it smelled just like the first day of school. Before she said it, she took a deep breath. I knew it wasn’t going to be good. “Camille, my mom continued, your grandpa died this morning. Wow! This is a powerful paragraph. Well done. I think the first sentence of the paragraph could be better if you talk about the excitement of school. "I was scared, but the excitement of the school day helped me to forget my fears." After she told me, I was speechless. I felt sadness, shock, anger, and pain. It was as if I was hit by a car and my heart stopped. I wanted to cry so badly, but I didn’t want to cry in front of my teacher. I got in the car and was on my way home. When I got into the house, I just let it all out. My cousin was there to comfort me so I just cried, and cried, and cried. Eventually, I stopped crying but was still upset and sad. I just thought why did it have to happen to me. Again, very well done here. What about a strong simile in the first sentence. "Those words shook me like a..." or "the words seemed to fall from my mom's mouth with a coldness and sadness. I felt..." Good job. You can ignore my suggestions if you want. This may be a case where the transition "after" softens the words. I know I told you to use transitions, but i won't be offended if you ditch this one. A couple days later, we found out what day the wake and funeral was scheduled for. __I was torn because it’s my grandpa, but I didn’t because it was so depressing__. When I told my mom about it she talked to me and she felt the same way too but, we had to so I decided to go. We got there about 10 minutes after my sister and grandma got there. At first, I was afraid to go in so my mom said she would go in with me. All I could do was just stare at him. I had no words, everything was like a jungle of thoughts in my mind. This is an excellent paragraph as well. I really like the simile in the last sentence. I underlined a sentence that is a little confusing. Did you forget a word? Also, in the first sentence you did something that a lot of people do. The word "for" is a preposition. A preposition is usually a word that links two nouns. Technically, you shouldn't end a sentence with "for." I do this too. Other prepositions are of, to, and in. So if I say, "Lions and Tigers and Bears are animals that I am scared of." That is an end of sentence preposition and grammatically incorrect.

They dressed him nice; he had a burgundy suit on and a covering from the middle-thigh down. Since he had lost weight, they filled him up with embalming fluid but, I think they put in too much. He looked fuller than he had before when he was healthy. I didn’t like that his cheeks looked a little puffy. THis is great description. These are kind of things that we say after the funeral of people we love. Great job. Comma should go before the "but" and after "fluid." I started to cheer up a little when I started to see some of my family trickle in. We stayed there for about 3 or 4 hours. Before we left, I gave him a kiss on the forehead. His body was very cold. I missed a couple days of school but, I made up all of the work. Then at last the day came that I dreaded since I found out the unbelievable news. When I found out my sister got to ride in the limo with my two uncles, grandpa, and grandma, I was kind of upset because I never rode in a limo before. Again, this is a great paragraph. You are doing a good job portraying both the internal and external conflict. = = Then, I thought about it, it didn’t even matter about me and I was being so selfish. So, before we went to the cemetery, we went to the church. Mostly the whole time we there I was crying. It was very heart breaking to see my grandpa lying there. While we were there, my grandpa got a chance to speak. I started to feel better when he began to tell how my grandpa used to be. When it was over, we had to go all the way out to Bridgeville. “Camille, asked my mom, are you okay”? “Yeah, I said, just a little upset. It was really easy to talk to my grandma, grandpa, and my mom. Every time I did, it made me feel better. Also, because they felt like I did and knew what I was going through. I had a sleeveless black dress but, there was kind of a warm-cool breeze. My grandma and I liked they scenery of the cemetery. All of the headstones were aligned in order and the grass was cut to perfection. The air smelled of freshness and grass being cut. They did a special ceremony because he was a coxswain in the U.S Navy. Quotation mark after "upset." And, third sentence you forgot the word "were" When it was over, I noticed that there was a bunch of flowers on top of the closed casket. My mom came over and I could see she spotted it too. She found a mock dove on a stick in the mix of the flowers. “Here, keep this to remember him” she stated. “Thanks” I said with a small smile. After that, we went back to my grandma’s for a dinner. As soon as I walked in the first thing that hit me was the chicken. The tenderness of it with the sauce filled my nostrils to the fullest. I could not have written this better. Great paragraph and I love the inclusion of the dove. Good description. We ate and chatted for a while then, everyone left. I still felt sadness in my heart to know that I couldn’t go to the hospital and see him every day so I went to go talk to my mom and grandma. They really made me feel better because I was surrounded by my family. At times when my grandpa came over, we talked too because I know he took it very hard when he got the call. In that week, my family showed me that they really cared about me and that I can always count on them. Good Conclusion

= Movie Theater Going = Have you ever gone to the movies and had a bad experience? You love going to the movies, but hate the problems when you go. Next time you and you have the same issues, you might want to reconsider going again or as much. The problems with going to the theater are the people in the theater, the food and drink lines and exiting the theater. First of all, the people most of all are very annoying. Every time you’re there, you have to deal with the loud group of people giggling loud and texting. Then, as soon as it gets to the good part of the movie, you hear the annoying ring, ring, ring of their cell phone ringing. When they get the text, they have to show it to their friend which makes them even louder. Think about it, the movie theater is supposed to be dark, they ruin it with the bright lights of the phones. Then you think about it; did I really pay this much money to see a movie and let people ruin it. However, that’s not all that is a problem. You get so excited to see a movie, and then you run into the long line to get your ticket. While you’re there, people are showing affection and end up forgetting about the line which makes it longer. As soon as you wait in line and finally get your ticket, you have to look around for the theater. You find it then before get settled down, you want to get food and drinks. Sadly, you turn into another long line and have to wait. The people who don’t really care about the movie are on the cell phone, not paying attention to people moving in front of them. It’s a waste of time trying to wait in the long lines and almost miss the movie. Worst of all, when the movie is over, the nightmare begins when it’s time to exit the theater. As soon as you get up, you might knock over somebody’s drink because they were too lazy to throw it away their selves. So, you end up with wet and sticky shoes. Then, you step through the aisle and step on many pieces of popcorn that get stuck on the sole of your shoes. When you finally make it through all of the mess, you have people pushing and bombarding you trying to rush and beat the jam of people in the lobby. Not long after you beat the jam in the lobby, you’re free and can get to your car. After you have considered the annoying people in the theater, the long food and ticket lines and exiting the theater, you might change your mind about going to the theater as much. If you decided not to go, you can maybe watch movies on Netflix, DVD, or on Demand. Then, when some time passes, you might want to go back and it won’t be as bad. =The Best Grandma EVER!!!= Did you know that grandmas have the ability to save lives? It is said that all the grandmas in the world can save “your” life. Most grandmas, especially mine are kind, loving, and are always there for you. My grandma is the kindest soul you could EVER encounter. If someone was walking past your house and they had to use the bathroom very badly, most people wouldn’t let them in, but my grandma would. She would also invite you over for dinner if you came by and she was making it or about to make it. Say you’re having money problems and no one will help you, you can always come to her if you some. Plus, my grandma is the only person I know who won’t pester you about paying her back. Sometimes I think she is a little too kind. She will love you no matter what shape or form. When I come home from school, at times I will be having a bad day and she will always be there for me. If you do something wrong that day, my grandma will not hold a grudge against you. Not everybody knows this, but she has a very funny sense of humor. This is kind of strange, but she will like you when she first meets you. I don’t know many people like that because she is a one in a million grandma. You have a problem; my grandma will always be there for YOU. When I was sick, she was the main person right beside me to help me and I end up feeling better sooner than I would have imagined. If you’re having some problems, she is the type of person who you can sit and talk to and she will listen to you and try to do her best to help. Here’s an example, you are really busy and you need help with other things, all you have to do is ask her and she will do it. Another thing that makes you want to love her is just that. Some people love their grandmas, but not as much as I do. My grandma is kind, loving, and always there for you. All those reasons listed are only “some” of the many qualities that my grandma possesses. I believe justice is served in Steve’s case because he is a kind, loving brother, he is a committed student in school, and there is sufficient evidence for his case. Monster essay Steve is a kind, loving brother towards Jerry. A great example is when he takes time with him, the time he got arrested and he reached out for Steve’s arm, and when Steve saw him in the street and he wanted so bad to see him and tell him he loved him. By doing these things, it shows he doesn’t want Jerry to end up like him. Also, he wants to get out of jail even more for him. Finally, Steve and him are very close.

Steve is a committed student in school. The evidence in the text that shoes this is when he took time after school to be in film club, and he took his film work outside of school into his actual life. He actually cared about his schoolwork. With him taking film as an extracurricular activity, he might want that as a career the future. It shows he wants to bring his school work into his person life.

There is sufficient evidence in Steve’s case when he didn’t give a signal. An example is when O’Brien says it in her closing argument and when he writes it in his journal. Steve and Ms. O’Brien said he didn’t give a signal he just walked out. I don’t think it’s a problem for him to walk in a store ad walk out. He wrote that he didn’t give a signal in his journal entry. Why would he lie about that?